Horrible Horoscopes: Part Three, For You And For Me

I forgot Libra last time, so here's all twelve Zodiac Signs.

Aries: Stop punching the wall, you might hurt your hand.

Taurus: You know who else was a Taurus? Pol Pot... sharing a sign with Pol Pot isn't something to brag about, by the way.

Gemini: Your seventeenth personality known as "Richard Valenzuela" will manifest itself today. Try to make sure you don't fall face-first going 175 miles per hour into a pile of snow today.

Cancer: Please stop, Cancer; you're being a stage four cry-baby.

Leo: Imagine a lion... but the lion is overly-emotional and has a marked propensity towards bottling up their emotions until they explode... that's you... you're that lion.

Virgo: "Organized Clutter" Virgos exist. Case in point: Indiana Massara.

Libra: Make a decision, already.

Scorpio: You have now amassed twenty-five followers, and all you had to do was stare at them with your cold, dead eyes.

Sagittarius: Scorpio is starting a cult... but you can do better, right? You know you can.

Capricorn: Stop complaining, Capricorn. You're not making your minuscule problems any better.

Aquarius: Aliens are a thing; I know this because Aquarius exists.

Pisces: Being empathetic and having a sixth sense sucks sometimes, just ask Pisces,

Okay, that's all for today. I should be back on schedule next week, so a Thursday "Horrible Horoscopes" should be expected. Also, I know I'm doing this on a Friday, I just got a newspaper computer replacement today, so I just thought I'd knock out an article while it still worked at my house.